Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
