meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
