i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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