Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
