DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
