We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
