She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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