Nicole vs. Life
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
