Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
