you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize