Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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