oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize