How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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