She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
