: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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