I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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