im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
