That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
