ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
