i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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