Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
