Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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