i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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