The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
