see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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