How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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