i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
