Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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