I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
