I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
