The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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