i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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