Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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