Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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