you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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