My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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