get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So much Jack, so little girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
