Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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