how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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