Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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