I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
