are you still at the devil's house?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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