I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
