I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
