90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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