so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
