the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
