Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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