Michael Bay diarrhea
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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