How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
