The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
