Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
