planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
