I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
