his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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