with your own penis?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize