he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
