pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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