Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
