with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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