soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize