my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
