I got chris browned last night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
