I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
