Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize