dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize