he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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