Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
