things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
