I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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