She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
