The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize