i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
