Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
