soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
